Miss Cleo Predicts Big Things for Pollocks

Buster Gunns - Cobb Times Herald

World Renowned psychic Miss Cleo has been hired by the Jackson Pollocks to see if the predictions of Lars the Greek will actually come true. For a mere 99 cents a minute, she offered her advice to team GM squidvicious. "Me bes tinkin dat de Pollocks will be winnin all der games dis year, I have seen it in de Tarot Cards sweetness," predicted Miss Cleo. "I knows dat Diego Montana wills also be winnin de MVP, now hows about dat!" she also exclaimed. The team is thrilled to have Miss Cleo at their backs as well. "With the predictions of Miss Cleo, how can we lose?" asked Christian Brantley. When asked about the predictions of Lars the Greek, Miss Cleo was quite direct in her criticism. "We alls bes knowin dat Lars de Greek is a fraud, baby. He should bes prosecuted by de govament for his false predictions," she stated.

Miss Cleo has also contracted with Boon Stadium to run the following ad in between innings.

Owner Goes AWOL!

Tito McQueen - Cobb Times Herald

In what can only be described as a shock, Los Angeles Drillers owner markc122706 has been declared missing by the Commissioners office of Cobb World and the LAPD. The team owner has not been seen at the office since December 29th, the date of arbitration hearings. Local citizens are concerned for the owner and the team, hoping that the lack of an effective executive doesn't negatively effect the Drillers performance. Commissioner daubs23 has named carpediem as interim GM of the Drillers. As to the wherabouts of markc122706, the LAPD wouldn't comment citing an investigation in progress. An anonymous source was quoted as saying though that, "the police are pretty sure that markc's disappearance has something to do with illegal Barcelonan tower building and the Basque separatist party ETA."

Josh Price Sues Ex-Wife

AP Newswire - Kansas City

Former Kansas City Kill and Fargo 1B Josh Price has filed for divorce with his wife, Jazzmyn Jadalynn Price. He has also sued her for the burning down of his Kansas City home, when she allegedly went crazy and burnt the house down after an argument over her continued employment as a dancer in a local club. Price was unavailable for comment but issued this statement through his lawyer, "I am moving the hell out of Kansas City, and I will only return to get my money from that evil conniving devil. That ***** is crazy, and I want her to suffer!"

Price and his wife met when Price hit the town with some of his teammates went to the Lion's Den Gentlemen's Lounge after a game. Former teammate Matty Guapo informed us of their first meeting, saying, "Jazzmyn and Josh really hit it off after the first lap dance. She was HOTT! But I wouldn't have brought her home, that kind of women is crazy." Ms. Jones was unavailable for comment, referring all inquiries to her lawyer.

Bidding on Jung Never Grows Old!

Buster Gunns - Cobb Times Herald

It is increasingly looking as if Japanese megaprospect Paul Jung will command the most expensive signing bonus ever seen in Cobb World. With Boston Heat GM furniss publicly admitting that he was out of the bidding at 13 million dollars, it will surely be a hefty price tag to land the CF from Tokyo. Financial expert and baseball guru Alan Greenspan had some thoughts about the projected final price, "I am sure that with the factors of inflation in the international markets that Jung will come in at a rate a little higher than expected. I fully expect that the spending for his services will create a small boost in the Tokyo economy, effecting U.S. global relations with Japan, and enriching our nation. In short, he should fetch between 15-17 million dollars."

Jung certainly has all of the tools to be successful in the majors, even though he is only 18 years old currently. Projecting to an extremely high HBD Bill James Composite Rating of 89, there is no doubt that he is a potential five tool player. He has a great batting eye, and should have lots of power and good contact hitting skills. His ability with the glove, with proper coaching, could also be extraordinary.

Not all may be well with Jung however. According to Louisville Tysons GM mhoffa, there is potential that the talented player may have off the field issues. Anonymous sources have said he has competitive eating binges consisting of Nathans Hot Dogs, pickles, and apple pies. There are also rumors that Jung wants to actually be worshipped like his hot dog eating idol Takeru Kobayashi, instead of pursuing a baseball career. But with the money being thrown at him, it will be hard for him to stomach a career other than hardball.

World Cobb Playoff Predictions

Lars the Greek - Cobb Times Herald

In the NL, by seed order:

Wildcard Round
1. Fargo - bye
2. Omaha - bye
3. Louisville vs. 6. Cincinatti - Louisville in 4
4. Wichita vs. 5. Sioux Falls - Sioux Falls in 4

Semifinals
1. Fargo vs. 5. Sioux Falls - Sioux Falls in 5
2. Omaha vs. 3. Louisville - Louisville in 5

Finals
3. Louisville vs. 5. Sioux Falls - Louisville in 6


In the AL, by seed order:

Wildcard Round
1. Anaheim - bye
2. Pawtucket - bye
3. Scranton vs. 6. Boston (beats Pittsburgh for last spot in tiebreaker) - Boston in 4
4. Atlanta vs. 5. Helena - Helena in 4

Semifinals
1. Anaheim vs. 5. Helena - Anaheim in 5
2. Pawtucket vs. 6. Boston - Pawtucket in 4

Finals
1. Anaheim vs. 2. Pawtucket - Pawtucket in 7

World Series
Louisville vs. Pawtucket - Louisville in 6

Team Previews - NL West

Omaha Sluggers
Last Season: 99-63, 1st place
Studs: LF Jose Barrios, SP Kazuhiro Ong
Duds: P Bob Maduro (5.19 ERA and 1.42 WHIP in the pen was a liability)
Outlook: Few teams can match Omaha's lineup and rotation, which boast top quality players at all positions. MVP candidate Barrios leads a gifted group of position players also including Bill Norton, Sammy Maduro, Ken Daniels, Fasto Pena, Fred McConnell, and Terrence Warden. Aces Ong, Geoffrey Gates, Ivan Canseco, and B.C. Steenstra head a dominating rotation. Fireman of the Year Sean Hill leads the pen. A few of Omaha's players are starting to age, but this team should easily win the NL West.
Prediction: 103-59, 1st place

Seattle Seacows
Last Season: 74-88, 2nd place
Studs: SP Buddy Fontenot, OF Ivan Bergeron
Duds: P Achilles Hanson (5.72 ERA and 1.72 WHIP could be achilles heel for Seattle bullpen)
Outlook: Seattle has been steadily improving over the last few seasons but are still a year or two away as thier best prospects are still in the minors. In the meantime the Seacows will remain competetive by playing good defensive baseball, led by the gloves of Tomas Castillo and Marty Ryan. P Bobby Clayton has a bright future ahead of him too, and should make strides this season. Expect the Seacows to put up a good fight, but not quite make the playoffs.
Prediction: 75-87, 2nd place

Tucson Hot Sauce
Last Season: 62-100, 4th place
Studs: C Murray Hayes, SP Tomas Tatis
Duds: SP Troy Finley (3-14, 6.35 ERA in 27 starts)
Outlook: Tucson is a team on the rise, as long as their pitching continues to develop and doesn't get flustered throwing in the hitters paradise of Tucson Electric Park. New acquisition Tatis leads the rotation, which also features up and comer Skeeter Robertson, veteran Harry Belliard, and flamethrower Phil Chang. SS Curtis Chase, CF Albert Conception, and Hayes lead the lineup, which should hopefully produce enough runs to support the pitching staff.
Prediction: 73-89, 3rd place

Vancouver Vultures
Last Season: 67-95, 3rd place
Studs: SP Bob Brooks, 1B Ruben Lopez
Duds: P Rob Rubel (6.5 million dollar man is enjoying life in AAA)
Outlook: The Vultures are hoping a move to Vancouver can spark the team to a few more wins. There are some good players on the ML team, but the best players in the organization are still in the minors. But there are some bright spots on the squad, including Lopez, Brooks, and 2b Emmanuel Kirby. There is also mascot Vincent Von Vulture, who will keep the fans entertained with his tricycle antics until the kids in the minors make the big show.
Prediction: 71-91, 4th place

Team Previews - NL South

Lars the Greek - Cobb Times Herald

Huntington Hillbillies
Last Season: 81-81, 3rd place
Studs: SP Bernie Lopez, 2B Jim Green
Duds: SP Josias Lopez (6-18, 5.51 ERA not the development Huntington wants to see in this young pitcher)
Outlook: The Hillbillies boast a talented roster of young players who have been steadily improving since the rebuilding project began in season 3 in Huntington. This should be the year they get back above .500 and challenge for a playoff spot. Ace Lopez heads a solid staff and should get help from Joaquin Cruz and David Encarnacion. The lineup features a healthy amount of talented internationals in David Kwon, Tony Cruz, Jung Lee, and Max Posada. If they can continue to improve their production at the plate the Hillbillies should be in good shape.
Prediction: 87-75, 2nd place

Jackson Pollocks
Last Season: 89-73, 2nd place
Studs: SS Domingo Montana, SP Eddie Rivers
Duds: IF Paul Lundquist (Took a step back with .263 BA in season 6)
Outlook: Jackson has always been competetive in the NL South, but might take a step backwards this season as the loss of free agent Roosevelt Lowell to division rival Louisville leaves the team with less hitting than before. Montana will still get his, but where the production will come from elsewhere remains a question. The pitching will still be very good, with Rivers and Christian Brantley leading the rotation. Still, a wildcard berth is not out of the question if someone else in the lineup has a good year.
Prediction: 86-76, 3rd place

Louisville Tysons
Last Season: 104-58, 1st place
Studs: SS Dallas Kline, SP David Rosado
Duds: LF Rob Quinn (The slugger started to show his age with a drop in production last season)
Outlook: Louisville loaded up in the offseason to make a run befor their core players fall victim to father time. Bigtime free agent signing Roosevelt Lowell joins MVP and HOF lock Dallas Kline, Pat barber, Quinn, and Vitas Newman to form a fearsome veteran lineup that is the equal of any in the league. The pitching is rock solid as well with Cy Young Rosado and Talmadge Young heading a rotation full of aces. Louisville should win the division this year, but their window is starting to close.
Prediction: 102-60, 1st place

Richmond Cohibas
Last Season: 33-129, 4th place
Studs: IF Ron Leon, SP Juan Cortazar
Duds: CF Benji Molina (AVG. dropped from .302 to .255 after trade from Omaha)
Outlook: The Cohibas had a rough season last year as they jettisoned old and overpaid talent for young prospects. But the future is bright and there should surely be an improvement this year as Leon and the rest of the young Cohibas continue to improve. Look for Cortazar to have a better record, and Harry Gload to also do better in the rotation. No playoffs this season, but the NL South better be on the watch in season 9, when the Cohibas should be a force to be reckoned with.
Prediction: 58-104, 4th place