Cortez Mack - Cobb Times Herald
Today we were able to get some quotes and comments on the league from the often controversial, always outspoken squidvicious, owner of the Jackson Pollocks, and the only consecutive loser of the World Series in Cobb World history.
Well let me first say thank you for giving me this forum to refute some of the vicious rumours that have surfaced recently about me and Ms. Cleo - I absolutely did not pour oil on my head and rub it all over her...I'm not even bald!
You are the only owner to lose two world series in Cobb World, do you consider that an honor or a curse?
--C-O-N-S-E-C-U-T-I-V-E world series! That's gotta count for something...I mean, our model is to consistently challenge for the 5th or 6th playoff spot, and so far we've been able to accomplish that most seasons. That we snuck in to the WS once was, like, OMG! To get there again the very next year, well...we weren't really paying attention, but had we been, I'm sure we would've pee'd our pants.
Where do you think it all went wrong in your world series appearances?
--Season 4 was our best chance. It was a somewhat down year for the rest of the division, 90+ wins finally got us 1st place! And we had some really good offensive production out of our homegrown guys, as well as newcomers Michael Ellis and Roosevelt Lowell. After a tough series with Fargo, we swept Omaha and were actually up 2-0 over Anaheim before losing 4 straight. What went wrong? Eh...lost a couple key starters to injuries just as the WS began, but still, I was up 2-0!!! I think my players weren't exactly motivated by my offer to give them each a Yugo if they swept.
Your team has always been quite solid with it's pitching. Who is the best hurler you have had on your team through the years?
--Great question! Sorry my answer is lame...I think I've always tried to build depth rather than target top of the line studs. Not that my current #1 & #2 aren't legit, they are. But even my best pitchers are a half-step or so behind the really good pitchers in the league. Another key is more luck I suppose. I've been able to find decent 'cast offs' who perform really well in Jackson. This season's example is Miguel Fernandez. Not sure why he left Helena, I think he was caught sniffing glue with the owner's son....but we don't mind...we don't mind.
If you could pick one pitcher and one hitter from any other franchise to be on your team, who would they be and why?
--We see a lot of Pat Barber and Dallas Kline, and they kill us routinely. Having them in Jackson would be great. But I like balance, and having a LH counter punch to Domingo Montana would be fantastic, so a guy like Jose Barrios would be at the top of the list. As for pitchers, there are lot of solid starters who would go right at the top of the rotation and help us a ton. But consistency in the bull pen is hard to come by. We traded away two closers in Sean Hill and Sarma Inge who’ve had great success, but a guy like those two or Randall Harvey of the Sharks would anchor pen nicely.
Which Sid Vicious do you prefer, wrestler or rocker?
--Rocker. The legacy of the Sex Pistols is awesome! They helped bridge rock from the “classic”, hippie style to the 80’s alternative movement, which later spawned grunge and a punk revival….at least, that’s what I learned watching “School of Rock”.
Is there any truth to the rumor that Big Pig Pork Rind night at Boone Stadium was the highest attended game of the year in Jackson?
--That and Free Dental Implant night.
Who is the Pollocks biggest rival, Huntington, Louisville, Fargo, Sioux Falls, or art critic Craig Brown?
--The Brits hate Americans who can procrastinate and still produce. By the way, for those who still don’t know who Pollock is, create your own masterpiece at http://www.jacksonpollock.org/.
As far as teams go, we’re sort of the third wheel in the division. The Louisville/Huntington rivalry is always strong, we’re sort of the little brother always tagging along. Sioux Falls has always been in a similar position in the North, and we’re always vying for those WC spots with them…maybe next time they’re in town we’ll call the series the “War of Northern Aggression”.
Who on the Pollocks roster would you enter in the World's Strongest Man competition?
--Catcher Carlos Machado is our version of Pudge. Plus, his nickname practically writes itself.
Do you think that Gary Oldman did a good job portraying you in Sid and Nancy?
--Oldman’s a stud, just fantastic. But like Nancy says, ‘never trust a junkie’.
Which prospect of yours are you most looking forward to seeing in the bigs?
--Our cupboard is pretty bare, and the recent draft wasn’t great. And a couple previous top picks have been wiped out by injuries. So we’re probably going to hit a real bad patch soon unless we start spending more on college scouting, signing international prospects, or skip the draft and sign a ton of free agents.
What do you think of mrploppie referring to alogman1 as "log" ?
--It’s obvious his remaining brain cells have a hard time with multi-syllabic words…it’s a shame too, I feel partly responsible since I spiked his Ensure with corn whiskey last time Fargo was in town.
Which pitcher and hitter do you dread facing most?
--Hmmm, well…there are times when our pitching will get anyone out, or nobody. Similarly, our hitters sometimes crush all comers, or go ‘oh for’ against the ball girl. So…we fear no one, and everyone.
Is Domingo Montana's mustache as cool as Eric Collins'?
--Maybe…we tease Dom all the time about that thing. It’s odd, but growing up in the Dominican Republic, he listened to a lot of Jimmy Buffet and thought all Americans really did have pencil thin mustaches.
If you had to pick a player from the Pollocks that would make the Hall of Fame, who would it be?
--Well, Montana obviously has a shot. Great production and he mostly plays SS, which makes him pretty valuable. I’m not sure any of the pitchers will get there.
Better video: "Fat" by Weird Al or "Breaking the Law" by Judas Priest?
--I’ve never been a fan of latex suits, unless it involves pulleys, Vaseline, and couple cheerleaders. I guess the same could be said for spiked dog collars and leather chaps. So I’d have to call it a draw.