Sunday, January 22, 2012

Interview with jvford

After exhaustive study and meticulous research, the Cobb Herald has recently learned that the Pawtucket G-Maniacs have recently gone through a change of ownership. How this coup d'etat managed to occur so stealthily may be a mystery forever. But, now that the deed has been exposed, it is the duty of this publication to reveal the heart and soul of this owner through a hard hitting interview to see just what make jvford tick.

Any advice for tdfactory – the newest member of the AL North?

-Don't worry about winning the division. It's perfectly acceptable to settle for a WC run when you're in a division with me.

If you are JVFord, when do you make varsity?

-Well, if I haven't made it by now, I don't really think I have much of a shot.

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?


What is your favorite breakfast food and why should we care?

-Oatmeal. And nobody should care because it's what everyone eats for breakfast, right?

Which pitcher do you dread facing the most?

-Any of the Tampa starters.

Any Addictions, Disease or Other Destructive Behaviors?

-You mean besides HBD? I guess my enjoyment of options trading could qualify as an addiction.

Did Jesus get as tired of Tim Tebow as the rest of us or did he just suck Vs. New England?

-Actually, I think God's a football fan and got tired of Jesus screwing around with the game.

Hypothetical question. ' Say, there's something in a person's past that if it got out, would cause harm to certain football coaches at a large State University. Would it be wrong to place a wager against that team.....then file charges, or the other way around?'

-Based on the few times I tried it, any gambling on college football is wrong.

Can you comment on the rumor that you were “involved” in pieo’s disappearance this season?

-"Unless you have specific information backed up by irrefutable evidence, please refrain from discussing any possible involvement of my client in pieogate....or we may be forced to take legal action." -Johnnie Cochran, Jr. Attorney for jvford

Which Cobb owner have you trade-raped the most since joining this league?

-I think all of my deals were for high priced vets, so none of the deals look as good for me a few seasons later. But I did really like the deal for Dorian Woolf. Now if only I can acquire a stud 200 inning RP for a pupu platter. ;-)

You’re filling in you’re lineup card, who do you bat cleanup – Angelina Jolie? Or Scarlett Johanssen? And what position does she field?

-AJ.....and she pitches. Seems like she's a competitive bitch who's not afraid to throw inside. But I'd rather bang SJ.

Funaki spent virtually his entire career with the G-maniacs, hitting over 500 HR’s and achieving a career OPS of .888. What was the real cause of the breakup?

-He was looking for a LT deal and my stat guys told me his production was going to fall off drastically after this season. Sounds a little cold-hearted, but sometimes you have to make the tough decisions. I wish him luck.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Steamers move east

CLEVELAND (AP) -- A Cleveland judge has ratified a binding agreement between outgoing Steamers owner Pieo and his former wife Pia in their divorce case.
Superior Court Judge Scott Gordon on Thursday signed off on the settlement reached in November that calls for Pieo to pay his ex-wife $131 million by the end of April.
Pieo and Cobb Baseball agreed late last year that the Steamers and the team's media rights would be sold. The team filed for bankruptcy protection in December after the league rejected a television contract with Fox.
Among those who have expressed interest in buying the Steamers is a group that includes grissom97 who has already made arrangements to move the franchise to the east coast. Says new owner Grissom97, "This team and this city both need a fresh start, and that isn't going to happen as long as we remain in this community"
The franchise was welcomed at the Hartford airport by a strange man in a trenchcoat with a disturbing smile plastered on his face. The unidentified fan simply muttered a single phrase over and over again . . . "i can't believe he's finally gone . . . I can't believe he's finally gone . . ."