Denny Dee - Special to Cobb Times Herald from the Fargo Courier
Today I sat down with the owner of the Sioux Falls Corn Cleats, original owner since season 1, and Editor in Chief of the Cobb Times Herald for a one on one interview about news, baseball, and mathematics. Tired of being lodged in second place behind the Fargo Fug Nuts, FW was glad to sit down for an interview and welcome diversion from the disaster that is his baseball team this season. Here's what he had to say.
Who is FW_Kekionga ? And what is a Kekionga?
--FW_Kekionga is short for Fort Wayne Kekionga, Fort Wayne being where I am from, and Kekiongas being one of the first professional baseball teams ever, including of the two teams in the first ever recorded professional baseball game. Unfortunately they ran out of money and disbanded halfway through the season. Kekionga is also the name of the Miami Indian village that was where Ft. Wayne is now.
A look at the Corn Cleats history shows a 1st place finish in season one, then 7 straight 2nd place finishes. What did you do wrong in season one?
--Hell I don't know, but I wish I could figure it out so it would happen again!
As a librarian, are there any books that you would recommend to other 2nd place finishers?
--Sock Monkey Goes to Hollywood: A Star is Bathed by Cece Bell is great. Sock Monkey doesn't win an Edgar for his role of best supporting toy, but he does win the Ichabod Thalburg award for cleanest toy, thus teaching those of us who do not win that good cleanliness is just as important!
Who wins a World Series first You, Elderboy or Phillyfan or does the world end before then?
--With all of philly's FA signings this season I would say he has the edge currently, but in two seasons if he hasn't done it then I would say the pendulum swings back to me. Elderboy won't beat me to it in Cobb, but probably will in Cobbfather.
If Cobb owners came to a party , who would bring what ?
--alogman1 would bring the Old Style, zooeydog would bring the fantasy baseball draft depth charts and prospectus magazines, furniss13 would bring the bling from all his championship rings, daubs23 would bring some tasty yet respectable food, and who knows what the hell mrploppie would bring, but it frightens me to think about it. Hopefully not his sister.
But Ploppie's sister would bring the Crabs , are you sure she can't come ?
--Yes. Unless the CDC is also invited.
Which Cobb owners do you believe have been the best at developing talent?
--I would have to say that yanks21 and zooeydog are right up at the top. Yanks has had his talent drive pay off with a championship and playoff success, and zooey has had some of the best drafts I have seen.
Complete the following phrase: Luke, I am your_____________.
--Luke, I am your Rodeo Clown.
Eugene Heath has recently issued a "Play me or Trade me" ultimatum - why are you ruining this player's career by having him on the inactive list for so long ?
--I am hoping he will decide to retire in a Corn Cleats uniform so I can get him into the Hall of Shame.
Given the exchange and dispersion of matter, how likely is it/how often do we inhale/consume and/or incorporate into our own protein structure, molecules that were once in some historical figure, say Abraham Lincoln?
--I have no freaking idea. But if you subscribe to the theory of past lives then the likelihood increases immensely, and we may be breathing him now! That also means we may be breathing Old Dirty Bastard, which is not a healthy thought.
What position would you play if WIS created a player based on you and how good would you be? What would be your theme song when you come to bat?
--I think there is no doubt that if I were created in WIS world, in my dreams I would be Vance Weaver and in reality I would be Eugene Heath. As for my theme music, "Absolutely Fabulous" by the Pet Shop Boys, no doubt about it!
Pet Shop Boys ?? Aren't you supposed to be some hardcore metal guy? The Pet Shop Boys are a little.........."Fruity".
--Well, I am a metal head, and if I had to choose a metal song it would be "Codex Gigas" by Candlemass, the song just says, "I will crush you." But I am not a crusher, and will probably be known for my sharp jersey rather than my hitting prowess, thus Absolutely Fabulous. Besides, the video rules!
As the editor of the Award winning Hardball Dynasty - Cobb Times Herald it is obvious that you have a prejudice against certain owners. My question is - Can you get me Miss Cleo's phone number? (I think she's hot!)
--Miss Cleo gives her phone # to anyone who wants it, only 99 cents a minute baby! And for the record, the Times Herald has no bias, they just report the facts, and the facts are that Fargo is a team full of Rat Bastids with a crazy and mentally unstable owner.
Vance Weaver is one of the best pitchers in the game, what is he doing on the Corn Cleats? Shouldn't he be on a team that has a shot at the title? And what the hell is a Corn Cleat any way?
--Vance Weaver will remain a Corn Cleat until he retires, and Sioux Falls will compensate him appropriately. Vance enjoys the Sioux Falls metropolitan statistical area anyways, property is cheap and he has a huge estate outside of town. Can't live like that in New York! A Corn Cleat is exactly what it seems, a cleat made from a kernel of corn, which is grown in great abundance around Sioux Falls. I think you should be asking the question, "What is a Fug Nut?"
It's short for the 'owner is Fuggin' Nuts, where did you go to school ?
What color of snow should you NOT eat?
--Any color that isn't white, and even then I wouldn't recommend it.
Now you tell me !!
Are there any trades or roster moves that you have made and truly regretted?
--One I would really like to have back was trading Angel Vazquez (on Syracuse's Trade Block BTW) and Matt Reese to Jackson for R.J. Winn and Benny Andujar. Winn was a disaster and never lived up to his potential, and in a final parting blow didn't get signed as a Type A FA, costing me a pick.
Mr. Ploppie states that you were in his first ever fantasy league, and that you've been good friends ever since. If Ploppie is such a good friend why doesn't he let you win a league once in a while?
--He believes in tough love, and that you only get to be the best by beating the best. Why he thinks it's him though is beyond me! But yeah, he's owned me in everything from fantasy golf and NASCAR to Simleagues and HBD since 1998 I think. I did beat him in a Hockey League once, and also made it to the World Series in my first ever SIM baseball league I was in with him. But other than that it's all mrploppie. I could probably take him in fantasy cycling or tiddlywinks however.
Name 3 people past or living that you'd like to have dinner with and who would pick up the check?
--Bobby Knight, Larry Bird, and mrploppie. I would stick mrploppie with the check because he owes it to me after all of the fantasy leagues I have let him win.
In the figure below, X is on , XYZ measures 45°, and AXZ measures 130°. What is the measure of XZY ?
--I hate math. Besides, there is no figure here to use as a basis, so forget this!
If you can fight any US president... who would it be?
--I'll say W. I figure he'll either desert the fight, or be too busy pretending to be a rancher down in Texas to make the fight and I'll win by forfeit. But it would also be an honor to take on Warren G. Harding, of Marion Ohio, my birth city. Of course he was one corrupt dude and probably wouldn't have any problem using brass knucks or other illegal objects, so I would have to be careful there.
You are proud of the fact that you are a Hoosier. What is a Hoosier and why should we give a damn?
--I recommend the wikipedia article, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hoosier, as it is far to long of a story for this space. But that being said I prefer the "pugilistic boatmen" definition.
Beside yourself, which Cobb owner would you like to see win their first league World Series title and why?
--daubs23, he's been a great owner and commish since season 1 and absolutely deserves it.
Well that's not going to happen. Thank You FW_Kekionga for agreeing to answer some questions for us.
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