Thursday, July 31, 2008

The Race for 200

Buster Gunns - Cobb Times Herald

There have been many talented and elite pitchers in Cobb World, but as of season 9, none of them have reached the 200 win milestone. The Hall of Fame voters should look carefully at this statistic, as any pitcher in Cobb who reaches it is most likely deserving of a spot in Cooperstown. Here is a look at some of the pitchers who have a shot at reaching this historic mark.

Kazuhiro Ong
Age: 29B/T: R/R
Born: Osaka, JP
Position(s): P (SP1)
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Kazuhiro Ong - Omaha Sluggers
Age: 29 Record: 127-61
--Any discussion about 200 wins in Cobb World has to start with Kazuhiro "King" Ong. Without a doubt one of the best pitchers in the history of the league, his frightening fastball has been the bane of more than half the league.
Outlook: Yes - Ong has a very good shot at getting 250 wins, let alone 200. Barring injury he is as close to a lock as you can get.

Dean Hernandez
Age: 26B/T: S/R
Born: Detroit, MI
Position(s): P (SP4)
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Dean Hernandez - Pawtucket G-Maniacs
Age: 26 Record: 91-48
--Blessed with the good fortune of playing for a very good Pawtucket team, Hernandez has racked up the wins at a very young age. "The Dean of Pawtucket" is a complete game machine, which further aids in his earning decisions, most often wins.
Outlook: Yes - Hernandez already has nearly 100 wins and still has 10 good seasons of pitching left before he starts to truly decline. He might make 250 as well.

Vance Weaver
Sioux Falls
Corn Cleats
Age: 27B/T: S/R
Born: Morristown, NJ
Position(s): P (SP4)
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Vance Weaver - Sioux Falls Corn Cleats
Age: 27 Record: 95-48
--Weaver the Corn Caesar has been successful in large part due to his incredible stamina and ground ball pitching. He has made it through many complete games, and has been on some very good Corn Cleats teams. His win totals may diminish slightly as Sioux Falls is currently rebuilding.
Outlook: Yes - Weaver has the skills to win even on a bad team, and Sioux Falls won't be horrible for long, thus increasing his win potential. Weaver might not make it to 250 however.

David Rosado
Age: 31B/T: R/R
Born: Valverde, DO
Position(s): P (P)
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David Rosado - Louisville Tysons
Age: 31 Record: 114-39
--Rosado boasts an incredible winning percentage, a testament to his dominating stuff and elite pitch selection. The only negative against Rosado making 200 wins his his low stamina, which gets him pulled earlier than you would like.
Outlook: Probably - Rosado needs 86 wins to make 200, and the Tysons are getting old. He would need to average 14 wins a season until he is 37 years of age to make it. He probably can do it, his stuff is that good, but he will need to take advantage of the offensive support he has this season and next to make it happen.

John Chang
Fug Nuts
Age: 30B/T: R/R
Born: Kasugai, JP
Position(s): P (SP4)
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John Chang - Fargo Fug Nuts
Age: 30 Record: 118-49
--Chang has been perhaps the only player to weather all 9 seasons in a Fug Nut uniform. As a result he has benefited from the elite teams that have played there. With no end in sight to the Fug Nut dynasty, Chang has all the tools he needs to succeed.
Outlook: Yes - Chang should benefit from great run support for many seasons, and should reach 200 barring injury. He probably won't make 250 however.

Eddie Rivers
Age: 28B/T: R/R
Born: Malverne, NY
Position(s): P (SP1)
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Eddie Rivers - Jackson Pollocks
Age: 28 Record: 87-47
--Rivers has been the ace for perennial playoff contenders, and has some victories as a result. He is pretty good, but needs 113 wins in 7-10 seasons to pull it off. It's possible, but unlikely unless Jackson stays competetive.
Outlook: Maybe - If he pulls off a couple more 17-20 seasons, Rivers chances get much better.

Phillip Brown
St. Louis
Age: 37B/T: R/R
Born: Cheshire, OH
Position(s): P (SP1)
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Phillip Brown - St. Louis HoundDogs
Age: 37 Record: 135-78
--Brown is a first ballot Hall of Famer, and was hands down the best pitcher in the league from season 1 until season 7. But father time is catching up with the former ace.
Outlook: No - Brown should make the Hall of Fame, but unfortunately started life in Cobb World at a later age, preventing him from making what he surely would have otherwise.

Kirt Hooper
Fug Nuts
Age: 29B/T: R/R
Born: Ramseur, NC
Position(s): P (SP1)
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Kirt Hooper - Fargo Fug Nuts
Age: 29 Record: 93-51
--Hooper has benefited from the same boons as John Chang, just for not as long. If Hooper had been a Fug Nut from day one, his win total would be a little higher. Still, he has a chance at 200.
Outlook: Maybe - If Hooper can amass huge win totals during his stay in Fargo, he has a chance, otherwise he will probably finish with 160-180 wins.

Flip Heathcott
Age: 36B/T: S/R
Born: Carleton, MI
Position(s): P (SP3)
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Flip Heathcott - Omaha Sluggers
Age: 36 Record: 126-66
--Heathcott has been an elite pitcher even into his 36th year, which is no small feat. But seeing as he also entered the league at a late age, he won't make it to 200. Still, Flip has been very good and deserves a mention.
Outlook: No - Heathcott is old and good, but is still old, which is too big a negative to overcome.

Ruben Montero
Age: 25B/T: R/R
Born: Punto Fijo, VE
Position(s): P (SP3)
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Ruben Montero - Syracuse Beagles
Age: 25 Record: 78-42
--Montero is the ace of a young and talented team, and has big potential to make 200 wins. Very good vs. right handed hitters, Montero is just starting to come into his own, and already has 78 wins.
Outlook: Yes - If Montero and the Beagles keep improving at the pace they have been, there is no reason why he won't make it.

B.C. Steenstra
St. Louis
Age: 35B/T: R/R
Born: Bloomington, IL
Position(s): P (SP2)
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B.C. Steenstra - St. Louis HoundDogs
Age: 35 Record: 113-57
--Steenstra has had some of the most dominant seasons in Cobb history, and could have won a Cy Young or two. He is still all star caliber, and should post a few more good seasons before his decline.
Outlook: No - Steenstra is very good, but the likelihood that he can accrue 87 wins before he retires is pretty slim.

Owner Q & A - rbf_4

Cortez Mack - Cobb Times Herald

In our continuing series of owner interviews, rbf_4 offered the Times Herald a chat. Owner of the St. Louis HoundDogs franchise since season 4, rbf_4 has been a force to be reckoned with in the NL East, even if he has yet to reach to the lofty heights of his brother brianfurnish, owner of the Anaheim Sharks. Today rbf talks about beer, baseball, and his man-crush on Chipper Harper.

Why the name change from Redlegs to HoundDogs? And why the move from Cincinnati to St. Louis?
--Well, I was born and raised in Ohio (near Cincy) but I moved to St. Louis 2 years ago to attend law school at Saint Louis University. (ed. note: Billikens for life!)I am a diehard Redlegs fan, but I ‘acquired’ a new mascot the day I brought home my basset hound, Dudley - hence the switch in cities & mascots. Plus I was looking for a pitcher’s ballpark to fit my ‘pitching & defense’ oriented clubhouse.

How do the HoundDogs feel about Anheuser-Busch being bought out by a Belgian brewing corporation?
--I live within walking distance from the AB brewery. I used to walk out of my front door everyday and smell the Great American Spirit of pride & dedication. Now all I am disgusted by the hops smell.

The majority of the HoundDog players don’t really care. They are still receiving their big-time paychecks (some of the highest paid players reside here in STL) & can afford any beer they want. However, the fans and the STL management/ownership group are very disgruntled. AB failed to distribute their product in Europe/Asia, which led to the negotiations with InBev. AB then proceeded to file a frivolous lawsuit to ensure a higher stock price for the sale. The great American lager has been banned from Busch Stadium. We are in negotiations to name the Stadium Purina Field (also HQ’d in STL). The only sellouts we support are baseball games.

Would the fans in St. Louis be upset by the thought of Rico Romero drinking a Corona with lime?
--Nah, the STL fans don’t care as long as he is not drinking Budlight Twist.

Rico Romero
St. Louis
Age: 32B/T: R/R
Born: Remidios, CU
Position(s): 2B/3B/SS/RF/CF
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Speaking of Rico Romero, do you ever anticipate a season where he will bat above .270 again?
--Rico is currently on the DL with a finger sprain. Rico has been rock solid for the HoundDogs for many years. Our philosophy has always been defense first. Rico probably won’t hit over .270 again, but his roll is to lead this team on the field & not in the batter’s box. I have little patience for errors in the middle of the infield. We shopped him around a few seasons ago & did not receive the expected response. It is easy to say that he has underachieved, but we are happy with his production.

This year the NL East looks particularly tough, who do you see coming out of the division?
--I like our chances. As tough as the competition is, I am still not going to bet against my franchise. It is difficult to predict who will remain atop the division at this point, but any team above .500 at the All-Star break has a shot.

Which NL pitcher do you least like to see in the opposing lineup?
--There are quite a few studs reigning in the NL. The toughest SP is Kaz the “King” Ong. Ong’s numbers speak for themselves. Beating him in a 5 or even 7 game series is like trying to beat the Big Red Machine - Enough said.

All-Star, Hospital, or Bench? - Banana McBride, Phillip Brown, and B.C. Steenstra. (Played according to Marry, date, dump rules)
--Banana – Neither, he was waived a few days ago. The brain-trust of STL thought he could come back and give us some solid innings in relief. We were wrong. His legacy still remains intact.
--B.C. – ALL STAR BABY! The big Mean Steen has been nothing short of pure dominance. B.C. has an era under 3.00 & opposing batters are hitting .240 against him.
--P. Brown – Bench. We decided to make a run last season and bring the aged Vet in town. I tried to sign P. Brown way back in my first season & I have had my eye on him ever since. We think he adds another dimension to our bullpen & hopefully he still has enough gas in the tank for another run at the pennant.

If you were picking a God of ancient mythology to describe Chipper Harper, who would it be and why?
--I guess it would be Zeus. He is the force that drives the lineup & his bat acts like a lightning rod.

Does Chipper Harper inspire the same level of man-crush that furniss13 has on Rico Estrada?
--Oh yeah. There is no doubt about that. I have received countless trade offers for him. I turned down some deals that I should have at least considered. There isn’t much rational thought to keeping Harper a HoundDog. I have been grooming him since Day 1 of my ownership takeover & he certainly has not disappointed us this season.

Chipper Harper
St. Louis
Age: 23B/T: S/L
Born: Colora, MD
Position(s): 1B/DH
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Now that Chipper Harper has made the bigs, who is the next big thing in the St. Louis minor leagues?
--There are quite a few prospects for the show me state fans to be excited about. The next big thing will be catching sensation Jimmy Julio. We paid a ton of money to bring him to STL. This kid can flat out hit & he is outstanding behind the plate. His arm strength isn’t what we would like, but he will add protection for Chipper. Plus he can call a game as good as anyone in Cobb history. History has proven that great teams have a great player behind the plate – and we think we have one in Jimmy Julio.

Jimmie Julio
St. Louis
Age: 21B/T: L/R
Born: Guanajay, CU
Position(s): C/1B/DH
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Who is the ugliest player in the HoundDogs organization?
--My organization is filled with terrible mustaches in my organization, the worst probably being AAA SP Zeus Stewart.

Zeus Stewart
St. Louis
Age: 23B/T: R/R
Born: Bayfield, CO
Position(s): P (SP2)
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What television show most accurately describes a day in the life of rbf_4?
--I wish I could say my life is as interesting as Arrested Development, but my life is more like the Office right now. I try to make law school as interesting as possible. It is quite difficult though.

Do you have Anaheim envy? And how sweet would it be to play the Sharks in the World Series?
--I do not have Anaheim envy. My brother has had more time to put his championship team together & he is much deserving of the success. We have talked about a possible meeting in the WS. It would be great, but I think our clubs are peaking at different times. His right now & mine in about 3-4 seasons.

What is your best trade, and which one would you like to have back?
--My best trade was bringing in RF Rabbit Lara. Rabbit is a singles machine and he even won a gold glove a few seasons back. My worst trade would be trading for his backup, Donte Wright. Donte was finally starting to come around at the plate last season when he injured his shoulder & spent the 2nd half in the trainer’s room. Donte has hit a measly 11 home runs in his 122 games as a HoundDog. He stinks & has not come close to earning his 9 million dollar paycheck.

Any special traditions or activities that take place during a St. Louis HoundDogs game?
--3 lucky fans get to race the mascot, Dudley, during each and every 6th inning home game. The fans always win here in STL because Dudley usually gives up and lays down for a nap about half way through the race.

If you were equating Cobb World owners to automobiles, who would be what?
--Ploppie – any brand new car because he constantly has new players
--Snides45 – the Too Fast Too Furious of Cobb, started out as regular import car, but has traded his way into a racecar
--Furniss13 – the F-150 of Cobb, steady, dependable & seems to outlast the competition
--BrianFurnish – the Cadillac of Cobb

Who wins a World Series out of the NL East first, you, zooeydog, alogman1, or Lightman?
--Again, I like our chances. I wouldn’t be surprised if any of the NL East teams make a run in the playoffs at any time. Our division is due for a title. The NL East is toughest division in Cobb right now but that does not always work in your favor come playoff time. If I had to pick another team, it would be Wichita. Lightman has assembled an incredible amount of young hitters.

Have you ever bungee jumped off the Gateway Arch?
--I have done quite a few extreme activities but that is not one of them. I can actually see the Arch from my place in the fall (when the leaves fall off the tree currently blocking my view). Every time I have gone to the Arch, the tickets have been sold out. I do plan to make it to the top sometime before exiting Missouri.

Who is better, old Stallone, old Seagal, or old Arnold?
--Definitely Arnold. As cheesy as he may be, the Terminator movies are tough to beat. Stallone lost me with his recent sequel of Rocky.

Even though you have only been in Cobb World since season 4, you have proven yourself as a manager to the rest of the league. Other than yourself, which manager would you like to see win the World Series who hasn't already done so yet?
--That is a tough one. I am always rooting for Team Snides & his Rebel Riders, but how can you not root for the Helena Hellraisers? Dave puts a contending squad on the field every season only to face the stiff competition of the Sharks. I would be very happy if either club won a championship.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Owner Q&A - FW_Kekionga

Denny Dee - Special to Cobb Times Herald from the Fargo Courier

Today I sat down with the owner of the Sioux Falls Corn Cleats, original owner since season 1, and Editor in Chief of the Cobb Times Herald for a one on one interview about news, baseball, and mathematics. Tired of being lodged in second place behind the Fargo Fug Nuts, FW was glad to sit down for an interview and welcome diversion from the disaster that is his baseball team this season. Here's what he had to say.

Who is FW_Kekionga ? And what is a Kekionga?
--FW_Kekionga is short for Fort Wayne Kekionga, Fort Wayne being where I am from, and Kekiongas being one of the first professional baseball teams ever, including of the two teams in the first ever recorded professional baseball game. Unfortunately they ran out of money and disbanded halfway through the season. Kekionga is also the name of the Miami Indian village that was where Ft. Wayne is now.

A look at the Corn Cleats history shows a 1st place finish in season one, then 7 straight 2nd place finishes. What did you do wrong in season one?
--Hell I don't know, but I wish I could figure it out so it would happen again!

As a librarian, are there any books that you would recommend to other 2nd place finishers?
--Sock Monkey Goes to Hollywood: A Star is Bathed by Cece Bell is great. Sock Monkey doesn't win an Edgar for his role of best supporting toy, but he does win the Ichabod Thalburg award for cleanest toy, thus teaching those of us who do not win that good cleanliness is just as important!

Who wins a World Series first You, Elderboy or Phillyfan or does the world end before then?
--With all of philly's FA signings this season I would say he has the edge currently, but in two seasons if he hasn't done it then I would say the pendulum swings back to me. Elderboy won't beat me to it in Cobb, but probably will in Cobbfather.

If Cobb owners came to a party , who would bring what ?
--alogman1 would bring the Old Style, zooeydog would bring the fantasy baseball draft depth charts and prospectus magazines, furniss13 would bring the bling from all his championship rings, daubs23 would bring some tasty yet respectable food, and who knows what the hell mrploppie would bring, but it frightens me to think about it. Hopefully not his sister.

But Ploppie's sister would bring the Crabs , are you sure she can't come ?
--Yes. Unless the CDC is also invited.

Which Cobb owners do you believe have been the best at developing talent?
--I would have to say that yanks21 and zooeydog are right up at the top. Yanks has had his talent drive pay off with a championship and playoff success, and zooey has had some of the best drafts I have seen.

Complete the following phrase: Luke, I am your_____________.
--Luke, I am your Rodeo Clown.

Eugene Heath has recently issued a "Play me or Trade me" ultimatum - why are you ruining this player's career by having him on the inactive list for so long ?
--I am hoping he will decide to retire in a Corn Cleats uniform so I can get him into the Hall of Shame.

Eugene Heath
Sioux Falls
Corn Cleats
Age: 23B/T: R/R
Born: Salem, OR
Position(s): C
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Given the exchange and dispersion of matter, how likely is it/how often do we inhale/consume and/or incorporate into our own protein structure, molecules that were once in some historical figure, say Abraham Lincoln?
--I have no freaking idea. But if you subscribe to the theory of past lives then the likelihood increases immensely, and we may be breathing him now! That also means we may be breathing Old Dirty Bastard, which is not a healthy thought.

What position would you play if WIS created a player based on you and how good would you be? What would be your theme song when you come to bat?
--I think there is no doubt that if I were created in WIS world, in my dreams I would be Vance Weaver and in reality I would be Eugene Heath. As for my theme music, "Absolutely Fabulous" by the Pet Shop Boys, no doubt about it!

Pet Shop Boys ?? Aren't you supposed to be some hardcore metal guy? The Pet Shop Boys are a little.........."Fruity".
--Well, I am a metal head, and if I had to choose a metal song it would be "Codex Gigas" by Candlemass, the song just says, "I will crush you." But I am not a crusher, and will probably be known for my sharp jersey rather than my hitting prowess, thus Absolutely Fabulous. Besides, the video rules!

As the editor of the Award winning Hardball Dynasty - Cobb Times Herald it is obvious that you have a prejudice against certain owners. My question is - Can you get me Miss Cleo's phone number? (I think she's hot!)
--Miss Cleo gives her phone # to anyone who wants it, only 99 cents a minute baby! And for the record, the Times Herald has no bias, they just report the facts, and the facts are that Fargo is a team full of Rat Bastids with a crazy and mentally unstable owner.

Vance Weaver
Sioux Falls
Corn Cleats
Age: 27B/T: S/R
Born: Morristown, NJ
Position(s): P (SP5)
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Vance Weaver is one of the best pitchers in the game, what is he doing on the Corn Cleats? Shouldn't he be on a team that has a shot at the title? And what the hell is a Corn Cleat any way?
--Vance Weaver will remain a Corn Cleat until he retires, and Sioux Falls will compensate him appropriately. Vance enjoys the Sioux Falls metropolitan statistical area anyways, property is cheap and he has a huge estate outside of town. Can't live like that in New York! A Corn Cleat is exactly what it seems, a cleat made from a kernel of corn, which is grown in great abundance around Sioux Falls. I think you should be asking the question, "What is a Fug Nut?"

It's short for the 'owner is Fuggin' Nuts, where did you go to school ?

What color of snow should you NOT eat?
--Any color that isn't white, and even then I wouldn't recommend it.

Now you tell me !!

Are there any trades or roster moves that you have made and truly regretted?
--One I would really like to have back was trading Angel Vazquez (on Syracuse's Trade Block BTW) and Matt Reese to Jackson for R.J. Winn and Benny Andujar. Winn was a disaster and never lived up to his potential, and in a final parting blow didn't get signed as a Type A FA, costing me a pick.

Mr. Ploppie states that you were in his first ever fantasy league, and that you've been good friends ever since. If Ploppie is such a good friend why doesn't he let you win a league once in a while?
--He believes in tough love, and that you only get to be the best by beating the best. Why he thinks it's him though is beyond me! But yeah, he's owned me in everything from fantasy golf and NASCAR to Simleagues and HBD since 1998 I think. I did beat him in a Hockey League once, and also made it to the World Series in my first ever SIM baseball league I was in with him. But other than that it's all mrploppie. I could probably take him in fantasy cycling or tiddlywinks however.

Name 3 people past or living that you'd like to have dinner with and who would pick up the check?
--Bobby Knight, Larry Bird, and mrploppie. I would stick mrploppie with the check because he owes it to me after all of the fantasy leagues I have let him win.

In the figure below, X is on , XYZ measures 45°, and AXZ measures 130°. What is the measure of XZY ?

F. 45°
G. 60°
H. 85°
J. 95°
K. 105°
--I hate math. Besides, there is no figure here to use as a basis, so forget this!

If you can fight any US president... who would it be?
--I'll say W. I figure he'll either desert the fight, or be too busy pretending to be a rancher down in Texas to make the fight and I'll win by forfeit. But it would also be an honor to take on Warren G. Harding, of Marion Ohio, my birth city. Of course he was one corrupt dude and probably wouldn't have any problem using brass knucks or other illegal objects, so I would have to be careful there.

You are proud of the fact that you are a Hoosier. What is a Hoosier and why should we give a damn?
--I recommend the wikipedia article,, as it is far to long of a story for this space. But that being said I prefer the "pugilistic boatmen" definition.

Beside yourself, which Cobb owner would you like to see win their first league World Series title and why?
--daubs23, he's been a great owner and commish since season 1 and absolutely deserves it.

Well that's not going to happen. Thank You FW_Kekionga for agreeing to answer some questions for us.

The opinions expressed are not those of the medical profession. If you have any queries or concerns or require any further professional advice about any of the information or opinions appearing on the Forum, you should consult your doctor or health care professional.

Power Grab Disrupts Commissioners Office

Tito McQueen - Cobb Times Herald

A startling turn of events took place today while daubs23, the commissioner of Cobb World, was on vacation. FW_Kekionga, owner of the Sioux Falls Corn Cleats made a bold power grab and usurped the office for the day to transfer the Scranton Dragons franchise to ownership. The commissioner, who is still away watching bad teams in even worse stadiums in New York, could not be reached for comment.

Today's events started when Scranton owner steelforge announced to the league that he had suffered a horrible financial loss due to an unfortunate coincidental merging of the subprime mortgage market crisis and the Japanese mega monster Mechani-Kong. This sudden loss of fortune meant that steelforge could no longer afford the Scranton team, and a suitable replacement was found by Fargo Fug Nuts owner Cleatus Ploppie. The owner, jiml60, could not officially take the reigns of the Dragons until his petition was approved by the commissioners office.

Being unpatient with the system and desperate to get the ownership transferred, FW_Kekionga hired a crack team of ex-special forces known as the "A-Team" to get him into the Commissioners office in Chicago. After leaving the teams black van behind the building with B.A., FW_Kekionga was schmoozed into daubs penthouse office by the Faceman, who smooth talked the secretary while FW and Hannibal made their way to the commissioners quarters. Then Murdock started acting crazy in the lobby to divert attention while Hannibal picked the lock to the office door. Once inside the office, FW_Kekionga utilized the commissioners special red telephone to make the call confirming the ownership transfer. According to reports he also took a few minutes to sit in daubs extremely comfortable yet imposing leather chair, and smoked one of his cigars.

With the commissioners office still in chaos due to Murdock's antics, FW_Kekionga escaped the building and returned to his own office in Sioux Falls. When contacted about the incident, FW_Kekionga was unavailable for an interview but issued this statement, "While it may have looked like me entering the commissioners office, I can assure you it was not. It was in all likelihood an impostor posing as myself in order to make me look like a criminal with the intent of sullying my reputation within the league. I blame mrploppie, he has always had it in for me, and with my Corn Cleats not providing any competition this season, he is looking throw salt on the wounds!"

New Scranton owner jiml60 was pleased to be in the league, and has had past experiences dealing with several owners in the league, including squidvicious, alogman1, The_Kid, and the infamous mrploppie. Word from the commissioners office regarding this event is expected upon his return to service this Friday.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Owner Q&A - elderboy02

Cortez Mack - Cobb Times Herald

In today's Owner Q&A I tracked down elderboy02, the owner of the Toledo Tsunamis. Toledo has been known by many as the true mistake on the lake, and their near perfect record of last place finishes supports that statement. Still, elderboy02 soldiers on in the face of stagnant crowds, depressed players and coaches, and the grim reality of having Toledo as your home city all for the chance and glimmer of hope that someday he will reign supreme in the NL North. Here's what he had to say.

Many people remember the great franchise of the Toledo Cincinnati Flying Pigs. How did you come to decide on Toledo over the Queen city, and how did the people of Toledo react to having their neighbor to the south mentioned in their team name?
-- Well, it was a newbie mistake. I thought you could pick any city you wanted. I had to drop the Cincinnati part of the name because the Toledo mayor threatened to sue Cincinnati Mayor Mark Mallory. Mark Mallory is the moron who couldn't throw out the 1st pitch on opening day and is a pansy, so Mallory caved and decided to let Toldeo be the home of the Flying Pigs/Tsunamis.

What made you decide on the Tsunamis as your franchises nickname? Lake Erie isn't exactly known for it's tropical storms.
-- Well, you see, when owner elderboy02 decided to start the team in Toledo, the citizens of Toledo were so mad that the force of them banging their heads against the wall created a tsunami on Lake Erie. True story.

Who is the greatest player to ever don the Tsunami jersey?
-- The greatest player ever has to be Andres Liriano. He was signed to a $10 million deal after he said he didn't want to be traded.

And who is the worst?
-- Osvaldo Rodriguez. Some jerk owner before me signed him to a long-term deal even though his ratings significantly dropped. You know you suck when your ratings are lower than your age.

Now that you have dealt Ron Reilly, who is the Toledo minor leaguer you most look forward to seeing in the bigs?
-- Napoleon Scott. He makes left handed pitchers white uniform pants turn brown.

Napoleon Scott
Age: 20B/T: R/R
Born: Mcleansville, NC
Position(s): 2B/1B/OF/DH
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Is it true that in addition to Cincy envy, Toledo suffers from Detroit envy?
-- No, Detroit is the hometown of Eminem.

If you could cherry pick any pitcher and hitter from any franchise in Cobb World, who would they be and why?
-- I would like to get Orber Olivo of the Helena Hellraisers. I would like him because all I care about is the longball.

Orber Olivo
Age: 33B/T: S/R
Born: Valle De Guanape, VE
Position(s): 1B
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Is there a player/team/coach who is the Tsunamis nemesis?
-- cosmicblob of the Helena Hellraisers. Every day he reminds me of how crappy my team is. It is true, but sometimes it is that time of the month and I get cramps, bloating, and hot flashes and it hurts my feelings. Sometimes I have to go home and kick the dog.

You play at Fifth Third Field. What happened to the first, second, third, and fourth third fields? -- They were all cleared out to make room for the Tsunami's psychologist building. Each player gets 2 hours of therapy after each game b/c the players get extremely depressed. Prozac is a very popular drug in Toedo. It has replaced crack as the most popular drug.

What's the best ballpark food at Fifth Third Field?
-- It is called The Big Stinky. It was named after our team. It is a hot dog covered with onions and sauerkraut.

Do you ever foresee a time when Toledo eclipses 80 wins?
-- Yes..... Give me a season or two.

Are you angry that in season 5 you ruined the franchises perfect mark of 4th place finishes?
-- Yes. My franchise likes attention. Nobody reads the middle of the standings. I get a special prize at the end of each year for finishing in last. Kind of like when you entered the art show at your grade school and everyone got an Honorable Mention ribbon no matter how bad you sucked.

What level of hell is reserved for illinidave?
-- He will be right up there with Sadaam Hussein for signing Osvaldo Rodriguez.

The Tsunamis have made a fair amount of trades over the years. What's your best, and which one would you like to have back?
-- I don't remember taking part in any trades. mrploppie sent a hypnotist over to my house and convinced me that I never made any trades.

Do you think that anyone in the NL North will ever overtake mrploppie for first place? If so, when?
-- No, mrploppie is like Tiger Woods. No one has a chance to beat him.

If you could import any player from your Cobbfather team, who would it be?
-- Bill Klaus. He reminds me of Santa.

Bill Klaus
Flying Pigs
Age: 30B/T: L/R
Born: Haverhill, MA
Position(s): C/DH
View Hardball Dynasty Profile

Who is the most overpaid guy in your minor leagues?
-- Emmanuel Page. I don't know what moron signed that guy to a long term contract. He isn't even on the active roster.

Who is the ugliest player in the Toledo organization?
-- Tim Kubinski. He reminds me of a zombie.

Tim Kubinski
Age: 25B/T: R/R
Born: Columbia, MD
Position(s): RF/CIF/LF/DH
View Hardball Dynasty Profile

Were the fans in Toledo upset with the trade of Andres "Big Bucks" Liriano?
-- Yes. He made more than any CEO in Toledo. He was like Bill Gates.

If the Toledo team has theme music, what is it?
-- Another Season Bites The Dust. It is based off of Queen's "Another One Bites The Dust"

How many games until the annual fire sale in Toledo?
-- I am going to say 24, because Jeff Gordon is my favorite Nascar Driver.

If you could hand deliver a fish slap to any owner in the league, who would it be and why?
-- brianfurnish because his pitching is so good.

Are there any superfans in Toledo, and if so what are they called?
-- The Green Nutz. They paint their nether regions green.

Is there a Tsunami mascot? What's he known for?
-- He is a tidal wave. He comes around with a fire hose and hoses down the crowd.

Which 70's movie hero would be best to whip your team into shape, Shaft, Dirty Harry, Black Belt Jones, Bruce Lee, or someone else?
-- Dirty Harry. I am a gun guy, and when the players see my guns and Dirty Harry's guns, they will get the idea that their play better improve or they get a shot in the buttocks.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Manager In Depths Quick Links

For your viewing convenience, here are all of the Owner Q&A's thus far.








Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Tysons Boost Sales at MCL Cafeteria

Chuck Biscuits - Cobb Times Herald

The MCL Cafeteria corporate offices have seen a spike in their latest quarterly earning statement, that they attribute to the patronage of the Louisville Tysons. MCL, which is known for its buffet style dining that caters to senior citizens with no taste buds and false teeth, has seen a spike in business whenever the Louisville Tysons hit an opponants city.

Elder Tyson Timothy Serra is the one responsible for the restaurant selection for Louisville, and he has made it known that the 38 veteran pitcher likes his mashed potatoes and peas without any flavor. "I've been in the league for years, and when I visit another town all I want is some salisbury steak, mashed potatoes, and some peas. At the MCL I can get all of those and not have to worry about being recognized by my legions of fans, since the place is almost always empty, or filled with seniors who have dementia."

Fellow Tysons Dallas Kline, Vitas Newman, Julio Bennett, Bob Sears, Pat Barber, and Roosevelt Lowell are also big fans of the MCL. Said Sears, "If it's good enough for Serra and his grandparents, it's good enough for me. I've eaten enough steaks at Shulas to last a lifetime, I just want to go somewhere I don't have to worry about any young whippersnappers messing with my meal, or my dentures (when he eventually has to wear them)."

The few young players on the Tysons aren't too happy about the selection of the MCL as the official Louisville Tyson restaurant of choice, but are willing to go along with their captains decisions. Alfonso Vega, the youngest Tyson, said that "When I am captain, we will be eating at the Hard Rock Cafe, not the MCL. I want to eat somewhere cool, and the MCL is definately not it. It is emabarrassing being the only person in there without coke bottle glasses. But I am still new to the league, and what Kline, Serra, and the gang say is law here in Louisville." But until Vega becomes captain of the Tysons, the MCL Cafeteria has a bright future for its earnings statements as the bulk of the Louisville lineup is ready for buffet line.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Season 9 Preview - AL & NL West

NL West

Omaha Sluggers (113-49) 1st place
Question: Will Sean Hill rebound to Season 6 & 7 form or will he post another 1.61 WHIP as the Sluggers Closer?
Answer: If healthy Kaz Ong and Jose Barrios will be finalists for the Cy and MVP respectively.
Outlook: 114-48 - 1st place. Omaha is loaded with talent top to bottom, and should easily take the NL West this season. Look for them to challenge for the #1 seed, and make another run for the championship.

Iowa City Corn Dogs (71-91) 2nd place
Question: Can the Corn Dogs find some offense to support their pitching staff?
Answer: The Corn Dogs starting rotation is as good as any in the league.
Outlook: 75-87 - 2nd place. Iowa City has pitching galore, but the offense is a bit stagnant and as a result look for another second place finish for this franchise. Still, with Omaha being so good it isn't a bad time to be rebuilding the lineup.

Seattle Seacows (56-106) 4th place
Question: Can the Seacows pitching be competitive enough to break 65 wins?
Answer: Promising young talent like Rico Cruz and Willie Bennett mean the Seacows offense will be making waves.
Outlook: 66-96 - 3rd place. The Seacows should see an improvement over last season as young draft picks and internationals make their way into the big league lineup. But Seattle is still a few seasons away.

Honolulu Islanders (63-99) 3rd place
Question: Will the young and untested Islanders lineup be able to produce in the bigs?
Answer: Victor Romano is lights out in the pen, and should post very good stats if he can inherit a lead.
Outlook: 65-97 - 4th place - Honolulu has thrown its lot with the youth, and as many of their players are still developing the Islanders remain a work in progress, albeit one with a lot of promise.

AL West

Question: Anaheim Sharks (117-45) 1st place
Question: Can Anaheim's aging trio or Olmedo Contreras, Henry Perez, and Shayne Campbell (ages 35, 32, 37 respectively) continue to pitch the Sharks into the postseason?
Answer: Reigning AL MVP Kory Arnold will continue to improve in his third season as the anchor of the Sharks' powerful lineup.
Outlook: 112-50 - 1st place. Even with an aging pitching staff the Sharks are just too good to finish anywhere other than 1st place in the AL West. What is of a bigger concern is if they will face another first round flameout like last season in the playoffs.

Vancouver Grizzlies (87-75) 2nd place
Question: Can the Grizzlies improve on last years surprise 2nd place finish and obtain a Wild Card spot?
Answer: Patrick Stanton is the complete package at Catcher for the Grizzlies, and will ensure that the pitching staff and the offense has an anchor.
Outlook: 90-72 - 2nd place. The Grizzlies are still young and should improve upon last seasons performance. A playoff spot is a very real possibility for this team.

Helena Hellraisers (82-80) 3rd place
Question: Can the Hellraisers avoid the bad luck of injuries and player slumps that killed last season?
Answer: Orber Olivo is still very good, but Patrick Lamb and new addition Hades Booker will drive the Hellraisers offense this season.
Outlook - 90-72 - 3rd place. The Hellraisers should improve from last year and revert to Season 7 form, but in the meantime Vancouver has improved and should give Helena a run for second place in the AL West.

Tacoma Jerry Gang (62-100) 4th place
Question: Will the Jerry Gang's prospects and young players continue to improve, or will they take a step back?
Answer: Victor Gandarillas is good, and pitching in the Tacoma ballpark should keep the Jerry Gang in any game he starts.
Outlook: 67-95 - 4th place. The Jerry Gang will improve, but it will be hard to tell because the other 3 teams in the AL West are very good. Still, improvement is happening and help is on the way in the minors.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Season 9 Preview - AL & NL South

NL South

Louisville Tysons (98-64) 1st place
Question: Does the collection of AARP members in the lineup have enough gas left in the tank for one more run?
Answer: The young and very talented pitching staff will keep the Tysons on a winning track.
Outlook: 95-67 - 1st place. Yes, the lineup is aging and in decline. But the pitching is still rock solid, and the lineup has enough skill left to win the majority of it's games. But Lars thinks this will be the last hurrah for Kline and company, so enjoy it while it lasts.

Huntington Hillbillies (92-70) 2nd place
Question: Will there be enough pitching in Huntington to support the powerful young lineup?
Answer: The acquisition of Wendell Sexson will help the pitching staff immensely.
Outlook: 95-67 - 2nd place. The Hillbillies are a team on the rise, but Louisville and Jackson still have enough players to keep the Hillbillies out of first place for one more year. But the future is bright and chicks who dig the long ball will have a great time at Eble park this season.

Jackson Pollocks (92-70) 3rd place
Question: Will Jackson continue to prove Lars wrong and outperform his expectations yet again?
Answer: Jackson may lack the starpower of other teams, but they are deep in quality top to bottom, which will keep them in playoff contention.
Outlook: 90-72 - 3rd place. Jackson is a very good and deep team, but the Hillbillies are coming into their own and should improve upon last seasons win total, and Louisville is still excellent, which means that even though Jackson is good, they will get the short stick in the division.

Richmond Cohibas (43-119) 4th place
Question: When will all of the talent in the minors start making a difference in the big leagues?
Answer: Jerry Ross is very good. The one true #1 on the team will have a hard time getting wins with his projected support however.
Outlook: 51-111 - 4th place. The Cohibas have some scary talent in the minors, but not much of it is big league ready yet. Look for another year in last place biding time until the prospects are ready.

AL South

Nashville Rebel Riders (84-78) 2nd place
Question: Will Gregory Hanson look like the promising rookie he was 3 seasons ago, or the adventure on the mound he has been since?
Answer: Pedro Franco will be a welcome addition to the Nashville lineup, and changes the the way teams need to pitch to the Rebel Riders.
Outlook: 90-72 - 1st place. The Rebel Riders have increased the power of their lineup enough to give more support to their quality pitching staff, which should result in a 1st place finish in the AL South.

Charlotte Dogs (67-95) 3rd place
Question: Will the free agent signings and trades made by the Dogs equate into victories?
Answer: If the lineup remains healthy it will score a ton of runs with the additions of Vernon Jones and Jim Green.
Outlook: 88-74 - 2nd place. The new additions plus the improved bullpen should equal more victories, but Nashville has slightly more pitching depth which should equal more regular season wins. Still, Charlotte now has a very frightening lineup.

Mexico City Diablos Rojos (94-68) 1st place
Question: Will Mexico City be able to compete with the vastly improved Rebel Riders and Dogs?
Answer: The experience and quality managing of wihargo will keep Mexico City in contention even with a lineup that doesn't quite match up on paper.
Outlook: 85-77 - 3rd place. Mexico City has seen some of it's better players start to get old, and the trading of Phillip Brown last season signalled a new direction. This is a transition year, and while M.C. will be competitive, they don't have the horses to last with Charlotte and Nashville.

Santa Fe Heat Wave (59-103) 4th place
Question: Will the Heat Wave have enough pitching to avoid the fatiguing effects of their homer friendly ballpark?
Answer: Having a full season under his belt, look for ardthomp to put together a team that will be able to withstand and even take advantage of what Santa Fe's ballpark has to offer.
Outlook: 67-95 - 4th place. The rebuilding is going on in Santa Fe, and while the results may not show for a season or two, the progress is evident and there should be an increase in wins as a result.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Season 9 Preview - AL & NL East

NL East

St. Louis HoundDogs (99-63) 1st place
Question: Can the bullpen continue to dominate without Banana McBride?
Answer: The lineup will be the best ever seen in St. Louis with the call up of speedy switch hitting Chipper Harper, who can absolutely rake and fill the void in the #3 spot in the order.
Outlook: 99-63 - 1st place. The NL east projects to be a very tough division, and this could easily go to Syracuse or Wichita, but Lars thinks the champs have what it takes to repeat in the division, esp. with the addition of B.C. Steenstra to the staff.

Syracuse Beagles (96-66) 2nd place
Question: Can the Beagles lineup increase their production enough to get past the HoundDogs?
Answer: The Beagles pitching staff will be better than last season with a full year of Phil Hinch.
Outlook: 97-65 - 2nd place. The Beagles have what it takes to win the division if their hitting can produce a little more. If Santiago Matos and Jose Cervantes can raise their averages, then St. Louis needs to look out because it won't be just Kenny Blair posting an OPS above .900.

Wichita Wankers (83-79) 3rd place
Question: Can the 7 talented rookies making their debut for the Wankers live up to expectations and carry Wichita to it's first playoff berth?
Answer: If the rookies don't perfom, Wichita can always count on Vasco Chantres, who has been rock solid in every season with the Wankers.
Outlook: 91-73 - 3rd place. The Wankers could easily win the division if their lineup performs like it should on paper, but with so many rookies making their big league debuts, Lars is taking the prudent path and picking the players who have been there before. But still, if it comes together in Wichita things could get scary for the rest of the NL East.

Durham Pitbulls (66-96) 4th place
Question: The same question it is every season in Durham, will Wiki Vazquez play more than 100 games, or will he be playing X-Box at his reserved room in the Duke University Hospital?
Answer: Louie Tarraga has been the best player on the team since he was called up, and there is no reason to change that at this point.
Outlook: 67-95 4th place. Durham is developing it's young players well, but most of them are still in the minors, and the rest of the division is just brutal this year. So look for the Pitbulls to actually play better, but not see much results due to a tough divisional schedule.

AL East

Scranton Dragons (101-61) 1st place
Question: Can the Dragons turn regular season success into postseason bliss?
Answer: Ken Puffer is the man in Scranton, and is due for an MVP.
Outlook: 100-62 - 1st place. The Dragons have the deepest lineup in the AL East, and it should equate to another division championship. With no real weakness, they could potentially compete for the top seed in the American League.

New York Titans (95-67) 2nd place
Question: Can the Titans get any respect from the Cobb Times Herald and Lars the Greek? And when will their World Series Championship article be written?
Answer: Mojo. The Titans have lots of it, consistently proving Lars the Greek wrong and making the playoffs, and winning World Series championships.
Outlook: 95-67 - 2nd place. Until the Titans actually fall out of the playoffs Lars will pick them to win. But Lars still thinks that Scranton is deeper, which will equate to more wins in the regular season.

Pittsburgh SSP (89-73) 3rd place
Question: Will Pittsburgh get enough pitching to complement their powerful lineup?
Answer: The SSP powered in more runs than almost every other team in the league last season, and look to do so again.
Outlook: 91-71 - 3rd place. Pittsburgh will once again challenge for a Wildcard spot, but until they get some elite starting pitching, they will be one step behind Scranton and New York.

Kansas City KILL (44-118) 4th place
Question: Will the KILL win enough games to make people think they aren't already dead?
Answer: The minors overflow with talent that in all likelihood KILL once it makes the bigs, but that's a season or two away yet.
Outlook: 50-112 - 4th place. Kansas City will remain in last place until they bring up their minor leaguers. If they can put together a competetive lineup they might win some more games, otherwise the only thing they will be competing for is the #1 draft pick and the right to spend a 4 million dollar signing bonus.