***WARNING*** some of the material in this interview may not be suitable for children.
Today I was able to get ahold of the notorious mrploppie, owner of the Fargo Fug Nuts and season 7 world champion. Known for his trade cravings and addictions, as well as his stranglehold on the NL North, mrploppie has been creating his own brand of baseball havoc in Cobb Wold since season 1. Here is a transcript of our interview:
--Hello... who is it?
Cortez Mack of the Cobb Times Herald calling for our scheduled interview, remember?
--Oh hell and biscuits! What?
What was it like winning the world series, was it everything you ever hoped for and more?
--What the hell are you talking about? Who is this? I'm on the ' Do not call list'! Leave me alone.
Sir, you did commit to this interview...
--Winning the World Series was great if you need to know! Damn, just winning a playoff series was like hitting the lottery for my choking team.
You are perhaps more known for your severe addiction to trades than for the fact that you won the last world series. How does that make you feel?
--You're a nosy bastard aren't you ! Trades? Yeah I make a lot of them, but that's what has won me a lot of games in this league. If I'm known as someone who is always willing to make a trade then maybe I will be the first one , other owners will come to when looking to move some quality players.
Is Kirt Hooper related to Mr. Hooper of Sesame Street fame?
--Mr Hooper is dead you heartless bastid !
Even though you have traded away half your world series winning team, you still hold a slim lead in the NL North. Do you ever think you will ever relinquish the top spot, which you have held since season 2?
--Wait a minute while I put on some pants.
There that's better. What was the question?
Giving up the top spot ? Not going to happen!
Since you have made by far the largest amount of trades in the recorded history of baseball, which *three* trades were your best, and which three would you like to have back?
--The Corey Green for Jose Barrios deal was probably the best in this league's history. MVP for MVP. The deal that got me Wayne Wilson was sweet. And the deal for Kaz Ong gave me my first stud pitcher.
Trading Kenny Blair,Vernon Jones and Rosey Lowell (season 1).
Damn! You're making me think. I don't like to think !!
Do you find all of those trades hard to keep track of?
--Well, whenever I'm confused, I just check my underwear. It holds the answer to all the important questions.
Which TV character do you relate to best; Fat Albert, K.I.T.T., Fire Marshall Bill, or Steve Urkel?
--Eartha Kitt was great was Catwoman
Seeing as how in your will you have left your beloved Fug Nuts to FW_Kekionga, are you worried that he will collude with himself to trade all your best players to your arch rivals, the Sioux Falls Corn Cleats?
--Vernon Jones, Hades Booker, & Flip Heathcott ....could FW trade more talent to the Cleats than I have already done?
Speaking of the Corn Cleats and their string of second place finishes, which superhero sidekick do you think would look best in a Corn Cleat uniform?
--What kind of questions are these? Put down the pipe son! Superhero sidekick? Sancho Panza - The Cleats owner has been Dreaming the Impossible Dream for 7 seasons now.
Who is the ugliest player in the Fug Nuts system?
--Zephyr Burns is Fugly !
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Name one pitcher and hitter that you haven't been able to trade for yet that you are desperate to have on your team.
--I have always been a big fan of Dallas Klein. He is a great hitter and fielder. Philip Brown - he just wins. I don't want to pay him - someone else can do that. I just want him for free.
Are we done yet? I have to watch Survivor!
Are you, in truth, an evil trading robot?--Yes
What was the best promotion night at Cash Field?
--Fan Giveaway Night - Winning fans were traded to Philly for his best players.
Marry, boff, kill: Paris Hilton, Brittney Spears, Lindsay Lohan.
--Been married too many times already. They're killing themselves, and who hasn't boffed them already ?
How has John Chang managed to stay on your ML roster since season 1?
--Too good to trade. My one constant SP. My soul mate. I love him in ways I don't want to talk about. Wait I have to put my pants on.
What work of classical literature best sums up mrploppie?
--Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. It's classical as far as I'm concerned.
Better video: Holy Diver by Dio or the Hamster Dance?
--My Bologna not the video, it's a stupid question and I'm hungry.
Playoff picks for season 7, who represents each league and who wins it all?
--Pawtucket G-Maniacs - It's Geltz turn. and Omaha - It's Yanks turn.
Overall winner is........ Omaha because the NL rules !!!
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