Chuck Biscuits - Cobb Times Herald
In what can only be described as a mad frenzy, Fargo Fug Nuts owner Mr. Cleatus Ploppie has completed a mind boggling 9 trades in the first two days of winter meetings. Even players who are used to keeping a suitcase packed just in case are shocked. "Am I still the closer?" asked Kirk White after it was reported that all-star Sarma Inge would be making his third stop in Fargo. "What is our lineup exactly?" asked a fan on the street, "I don't know who is in our outfield, who is on second, who is on first, or who will be on the opening day bobblehead!"
Some attribute the trading frenzy to mental illness on the owners part, which is actually supported by Mr. Cleatus Ploppie himself. " I'm not feeling well. I feel dizzy , light headed and forgetful . I can't remember which players are on my team. I need medical assistance for my condition - Tradingjonesitis," said Ploppie.
Renowned medical expert Gaius Baltar has been brought in to assess Ploppies condition. "Although I think that perhaps he could be cured of his condition, I am not actually positive that he has the mental wherewithal to pull through, nor the drive and determination to succeed in his endeavors. Furthermore I will be testing his blood to see if he is indeed actually human, or some trading robot in flesh form whose sole purpose is to overload the commissioners office," postulated Baltar.
Two things are for certain in Fargo, no player is safe from the trading block, and the Samsonite luggage company must be making a killing.