Tito McQueen - Cobb Times Herald
Today we sit down with Wichita Wankers owner Lightman. Long a power in the NL East, Lightman takes the time to break down the competition in today's owner interview.
Does your franchise name imply that all residents of Wichita are Wankers? Or just the baseball team?
--Absolutely not. In fact, I am deeply offended that you would imply such an implication. Our team name definitively asserts that all residents of the entire state of Kansas are Wankers.
Is it possible to have celebrity fans in Kansas, and if so, who is the Wankers most famous celebrity fan?
--That's easy. Rob Riggle of the Daily Show.
Where do you think Davey Silva ranks all time among Cobb Hall of Fame pitchers?
--In my opinion, he's in the argument for the top slot. He doesn't give you quite the number of innings of Dean or King Ong, but he may be more effective in slightly less innings. Through his first 9 seasons, he's averaged about 19 wins and 229 IP with a 0.99 WHIP and 2.43 ERA.
If Davey Silva demanded a max contract, plus 10% of the franchise, plus a little dog named Toto, plus a herd of little people with lollipops, and some ruby slippers, would you give it to him?
--I think I'd have to, given how little I've had to pay him so far.
You are the only owner other than squidvicious to make the world series twice and lose. How does that make you feel?
What is the best promotion that the Wichita Wankers run each year?
--Pull Davey Silva With a No-Hitter in the Ninth Inning Night. Not only do the fans get to watch one of the great pitchers in Cobb dominate the other team. They also get to watch one of our middle relievers induce a game-ending groundout in a five-pitch appearance to finish off a 7-0 win.
Which player on your team has the best theme music, and what is it?
--Lawrence Shave. 93 'Til Infinity by the Souls of Mischief.
Who is the most underrated player you have ever had on your Wankers teams?
--Could be any of my top hitters, since our park is such a pitchers park. Grant Keats, Vasco Chantres, Dorian Woolf all come to mind.
Which baseball team do you follow in real life?
--Chicago White Sox. I grew up outside Chicago and that was the team I followed. I do also enjoy laughing at Cubs fans.
Who do you think is the best character from Arrested Development?
--Wow. That's like asking me what is the worst episode of Glee. How do you choose? I think I'd have to go with Buster. He always cracked me up. Of course, I'd probably give you a different answer tomorrow.
What is the best trade you have ever made in Cobb?
--Getting Davey Silva. I don't remember what I gave up, but I'm pretty sure I won that trade.
And what is the worst?
--Nothing jumps out at me as a terrible trade. I know there are several trades that I didn't pull the trigger on that I probably should have. I guess my worst one was dealing away Elvis Kennedy for Victor Sanchez, who never panned out for me.
Is there any particular move you made as a GM that you are incredibly proud of? (trade, draft pick, free agent signing, etc...)
--No, not really. Just felt that I built a very competitive team from scratch. I tend to focus more on those moves that didn't work out as I would have liked, so I'm probably a bit of a pessimist in that way.
Best movie concerning vigilante justice - Punisher (Dolph Lundgren version), Judge Dredd, Commando, Kick Ass, Kill Bill, or other (you name it)?
--Kill Bill. Love that flick.
So are all lawyers crooks, or just the good ones?
--All of them. Including my wife.
Which player in Cobb other than Ong, Hernandez, or Barrios, have you desperately craved to have on your team?
--Kirk White. I love the thought of rolling out Silva for six innings, then handing the ball to White to finish it off.
Is there any problem in HBD that can't be solved with a spreadsheet?
--Definitely not. The same goes for problems in life.
Who are the top 5 Wankers of all time? And who is the franchises "Mr. Wanker?"
--1. Davey Silva; 2. Grant Keats; 3. Carlton Nelson; 4. Dorian Woolf; 5. Tony Cho. Grant Keats is definitely Mr. Wanker. He was really my first stud who helped lead our rise after our rebuilding effort. I hated to let him go, but I had too many good players ready to break into the bigs when he hit free agency. (If I had to do it again, I'd re-sign him, though.)
In the decidedly nasty NL East, who is your biggest rival?
--No one team is more of a rival than another. This division has been so tough for so long, it's just a matter of not finishing last.
How has your life become easier since mrploppie landed in the NL East?
--Well, in the short-term, he's made the division a little easier while he embarks on a rebuilding effort. In the long-term, I know I never need to worry too much if he acquires a great player, because they'll probably be gone by the next time we go head-to-head.
--alogman1 gets a torn labrum for Dean Hernandez. rbf_4 gets a one-way plane ticket to Wichita for Tony Cho. And mrploppie gets a nice wristwatch. (Look at his record. That's punishment enough.)