Thursday, January 20, 2011

Hugh Clark - Tac Town is Killing my Flo

Tito McQueen - Cobb Times Herald

Tacoma Jerry Gang all star 3B/SS Hugh Clark has been making his displeasure with management known to the rest of the league, much to the chagrin of GM dwoolery.  The talented slugger has been a mainstay in the Jerry Gang's lineup since season 15, and started all 162 games last year.  But the playing time and winning atmosphere in Tacoma haven't been enough to assuage the ego of the apparent prima donna, as Clark has been doing all he can to move to a new team in order to pad his numbers and get away from the hitting wasteland that is Cheney Stadium.

Hugh Clark
Jerry Gang
Age: 26B/T: R/R
Born: Bovina, TX
Position(s): SS/IF/OF/DH
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"I played 162 games last year and all I could belt was 29 home runs, which is wack because I am taking every supplement that is legal and can be bought at my local GNC.  Plus I hit the weight room as hard as I hit opposing pitchers, I mean look at these cobras!" said a Stallonesque and flexing Clark to radio host Jimmy "Mac Dawg" McCool of Tacoma AM 1360 "The Fan" during an interview on McCools show, "The Dawg House."  Clark continued, saying, "I think that if I can get the hell out of dodge and go play in a real mans stadium like they build down in Texas, then I could show the world how great I am, and win the awards necessary to make it into the Hall of Fame.  Tacoma just isn't happening, and the people are all too busy playing with their iphones to give a rip about baseball.  Hell, back in Bovina Texas it was football, baseball, and barbeque all the time, none of this namby pamby triple mocha latte coffee business.  That's what I want, and I think I deserve it too."

Tony Arnold
Jerry Gang
Age: 32B/T: R/R
Born: Panama, OK
Position(s): LF/1B/DH
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One person who would definitely be happy to see Clark go is Jerry Gang veteran Tony Arnold, who has quietly put up excellent numbers while maintaining a positive attitude.  In an interview with radio host Jimmy "Jimbo" Cruz during his show, "The Morning Cruz" on Tacoma AM 780 "The Score" Arnold said, "Tacoma has been great to me and my family, and sure, I could have put up Barrios numbers had I been playing in Santa Fe, but the management knows how to take care of their players here.  For a young pup like Clark to go shooting his mouth like that when he really hasn't proven anything over a long period of time is not appropriate, I think.  But the kids these days like to have it be all about me, so really he isn't any different then any other young stud.  Why, back when I was his age I couldn't get out of my contract with my team even if I wanted to, it was hard wired in me to stay with my team if they wanted me.  Nowadays the kids seem to be coded differently, as many tell their teams to stick it and walk.  It just doesn't seem right."

The management in Tacoma is quite willing to keep the super talent, but isn't above trading the malcontent either if the situation is right.  Jerry Gang GM dwoolery has gone on record saying that if the price is right, Clark can be dealt.  The prospect of trading the young face of the franchise has the Tacoma fanbase texting up a storm of hypothetical trades in between ecommerce and bluetooth meetings, and the next few days should see AT&T rake in a record profit in the Tacoma area from Clark related text traffic.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

New Rules

Effective Season 19 and forward Cobb World will now be enforcing the following rules to ensure that fun and fair play is the normal in the league. Please read and understand them.

1. All owners will be expected to treat all other owners with courtesy and respect. Failure to do so will put an owners place in the league up for review. This includes world and trade chats, and any other interactions owners have between each other.

2. All franchises will be expected to meet a minimum level of competitiveness. There will be a win floor of 55 games for one season, 115 games for two consecutive seasons. Failure to meet this minimum win level will put an owners place in the league up for review.

3. All franchises will be expected to maintain their minor leagues to a minimum standard. A .300 average win percentage across the board for all minor league teams should be maintained. 0(0)pitchers and pitchers playing positions will not be tolerated. Failure to meet this goal will put an owners place in the league up for review.

Failure to meet these goals does not guarantee that an owner will be removed from the league, just be put up for review. The review will consist of the commissioner asking the rest of the league their opinions, and if a majority feel the offending owner should be removed then the commissioner will act to do so.

Depending on the situation the owner will be either given a warning or asked to leave the league at seasons end. If the violation is extreme enough the owner will be removed immediately.