Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Ron Reilly - Stud Pitcher and Savior of Ashtabula

Chuck Biscuits - Cobb Times Herald

Toledo Tsunamis #1 draft pick Ron Reilly has arrived with quite a fanfare to the rookie league affiliate in Ashtabula Ohio. The small town team on the Lake Erie coast isn't accustomed to quality pitching, and seeing a hurler who can throw the ball with the skill that Reilly can has caused quite a stir. "Ron is the greatest thing to happen to Ashtabula Micorpolitan Statistical Area since the coal boom," said Ashtabula Mayor Robert F. Lee. Indeed, the hubbub surrounding Reilly is helping locals forget about the state of their once fine city, documented in the website, http://trashtabula.com/.

Reilly himself is looking forward to his time in Ashtabula, saying, "I am going to bring an era of excellence not seen before in the Toledo organization, I plan on being the dominant pitcher of my time!" Reilly has backed up his claims so far and has yet to lose a game. Also of interest to the locals is how Reilly plans on spending his 3.35 million dollar signing bonus. "So far I have bought a Cadillac Escalade, because I buy American, none of those crappy foreign cars in my garages!," said Reilly, continuing, "I have also purchased the finest manor in town, in which I fully intend to party like it's going out of style once the season is ended, until then, I am all business."

Indeed, the citizens of Ashtabula are waiting with weighted breath to see how Reilly fulfills his promise for the Toledo organization, and if the towns newest adopted son will remember them once he hits the big time.