Saturday, February 16, 2008

The Sick Ward

Tito McQueen - Cobb Times Herald

It happens every year to many teams, and every GM prays that they don't wake up to a star player on the DL. Unfortunately though real life has set in for several franchises, and some big names are now sitting at home in rehab. Here are some of the stars who have fallen this season.

The first casualty of the season was Pawtucket's Andres Franco. The career .300 hitter made it six games into the season before suffering a herniated disk in his neck. "I saw him take some swings in BP, and he looked good," said teammate Hong-Gu Hernandez, "but then he grounded out and his cut was so hard that it like twisted his neck like a snake dude. It was sick!"

The next victim of cruel fate was the New York Pick Pockets star offseason acquisition Elvis Christman. There had been whispers in camp that his tendonitis from last season hadn't fully healed, but Christman's agent was adamant that it had. Four games into the season however Christman came up lame after a pitch in the 5th inning against the team that had traded him, the Omaha Sluggers. Perhaps they knew something the rest of the league didn't.

Up next in the injury list is Wichita Wankers reliever Davey Rijo. The Wankers were counting on Rijo to provide valuable relief in the 7th and 8th innings for the course of the season. But Rijo only pitched in 9 games before the home crowd was witness to a horrifying snap of Rijo's elbow in the 9th inning of a close game. "It was so gruesome that I almost needed a bucket," said Wanker Milt Serafini. It is debatable at this point if Rijo can come back from this injury.

Perhaps the biggest name to end up on the DL was Tucson's A.J. Buck. Buck had the misfortune of suffering a herniated disk in his neck during a game against the Wankers. The injury supposedly happened when he hit a single and strained his neck trying to beat the throw. But insiders say that Buck actually suffered the injury the night before in a clubhouse hazing ritual that involved Barcelonan tower building. Regardless, his season is over.

Our next entrant into the halls of the disabled is Scranton Dragon Jose Pescado. "Joe Fish," as he is called by those in the know, suffered a bout of tendenitis in his elbow midway through his season after throwing an awkward pitch against the N.Y. Brokers. Never known as a health nut, scouts are saying that his training regimen finally caught up with him. "I never knew Jose to turn down a deep fried ding dong, or a deep fried corn dog, or a deep fried anything for that matter," said former teammate B.C. Steenstra. Perhaps now Pescado will try out that Bowflex in the weight room.

The most recent addition to the sick ward is Sioux Falls Corn Cleats ace Benito Rodriguez. Undoubtably the best pitcher for the Cleats in season 7, Rodriguez suffered a season ending torn labrum injury in the sixth inning of a "War of Southern Aggression" rivalry game vs. the Jackson Pollocks. The injury occurred on a freak play when Rodriguez tossed a wild fastball that plunked opposing pitcher Pat Grey in the head, which resulted in both pitchers crumpled on the ground in pain on the same play. "After seeing that, I am now a strong believer in instant karma," said Pollock RF Trent King.


SenorPloppie said...

The Sick Ward ? Is that in the Wiki Vasquez wing of the hospital?

Bibliotron said...

The whole hospital is named after Wiki!