News Bites

Chuck Biscuits - Cobb Times Herald

New Owner Orientation
The Cobb World new owner orientation retreat was held over the weekend. Commissioner Bing Fasano welcomed new onwers texas_ron, steelforge, pieo, markc122706, mfoster55, EBzer, and zephyrsad to the league. The retreat featured campfire songs, hiking, rules orientation, and team building exercises. The team building exercises had to be suspended however after the Barcelonan Tower Building group activity failed miserably, resulting in various broken limbs. Perhaps the new owners will remember to put enough money into their medical budgets after that incident.

What About Wilkes-Barre?
Wilkes-Barre mayor Thomas Leighton was furious after HBD awarded a franchise to the Scranton Wilkes-Barre area without including Wilkes-Barre in the team's name. "Scranton, Scranton, Scranton! All I hear about since 'the Office' came on the air is Scranton," fumed mayor Leighton, "Just once I want people to know that after Scranton there is a Wilkes-Barre, and that we make up more than half of the metropolitan area!" Scranton Dragons owner steelforge was unavailable for comment, but the Dragons PR manager issued a statement, "The Scranton Dragons welcome all residents of Wilkes-Barre at our games. We do not discriminate against anyone in our viewing area." But most residents of Wilkes-Barre disagree, with the common conception that HBD hates hyphonated cities.

KILL Bill? KILL Em' All? KILL F*** Die?
Residents of Kansas City are thrilled to have their own baseball team, but are left confused about their teams moniker. The Kansas City KILL, owned by pieo, are apparantly ready to bring a lethal brand of hardball to K.C. "What should we kill though?" asked resident Burton Peters, "I am as much for violence as the next man, but I think it should be directed at a specific entity." Local media outlets are having a field day however, drumming up all sorts of promotional events, including KILL Bill movie and hardball doubleheader night, a concert by the Killers, and a demolitions demonstration by the A-Team.