Friday, August 8, 2008

Houck Turns Down Millions to Tailor Suits.

Tito McQueen - Cobb Times Herald

The Richmond Cohibas were stunned yesterday by the announcement from #1 overall draft pick Eric Houck that he would be attending college instead of signing the 5 million dollar contract he was offered by the pro franchise. Houck turned down the incredibly lucrative contract offer to attend the Fashion Institute of Technology on a baseball scholarship. "I have always wanted to pursue a career in the clothing arts, and with the skills I learn at the FIT, I hope to craft many fine outfits and eventually make the bigtime, perhaps Project Runway or Fashionista, and then springboard to owning my own fashion house."

Many baseball analysts consider this to be a very questionable move by the young pitcher, who projected to be one of the most dominant players in recent memory on the mound. One scout said, "He could have been the next Dean Hernandez or Phillip Brown, his stuff is that good. It's a real shame to see him sewing buttons and zippers instead of mowing down batters with his awesome stuff." Because he decided to pursue a career outside of baseball, scouts didn't have any problem releasing their top secret projections for the all star, and the Times Herald is able to show you what he could have been if he had signed.

Bill Howell, GM of the Cohibas, was distraught after Houck's announcement. "We were BURNED! You pays your money and takes your chances, but tonight is a Jim Beam and Oxycodine kind of night."

Meanwhile the Fashion Institute of Technology baseball team was ecstatic at the news of Houcks scholarship. "This is so totally the best thing ever!" said coach Templeton Riggs III, "Houck will help the Tigers roar, GRRR!" According to FIT curriculum Houck will have to sew his own jersey, and that rhinestones are allowed around the collar. "I'm really looking forward to bringing my own sense of personal style to the FIT uniform, I want to be fab on the mound!" exclaimed Houck, who appropriately was fashionably late to his press conference.

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