Thursday, June 25, 2009

Kip Zeile Has His Moment

Tito McQueen - Cobb Times Herald

Kip Zeile
Age: 31B/T: S/R
Born: Poteau, OK
Position(s): 1B
View Hardball Dynasty Profile

Chicago Sabercat Kip Zeile celebrated his greatest moment as a player yesterday when after years of being snubbed by the voters, he was finally awarded the American League MVP with a commanding vote total. Zeile, who made the all star team for the 5th time this season and also won the Silver Slugger award, belted 65 home runs, his highest total in his career. He also knocked in 156 runs, and posted an OPS of 1.039. When asked how he was able to post such impressive power numbers despite his declining skills, Zeile told the Times Herald staff to, "Go **** yourselves and get a real job."

Zeile managed to win the award despite his team not making the playoffs, which he is no doubt used to by this time. Here are some of the highlights of Zeile's career:

Season 2 - Belts 42 HRs, 133 RBI's 21 SB, 1.035 OPS in his rookie season. The Sabercats finish 88-74 and miss the playoffs

Season 4 - 50 HR, 158 RBI, .314 BA, 1.088 OPS, and his first all star appearance. The Sabercats finish a franchise best 92-70 and miss the playoffs.

Season 5 - 63 HR, 174 RBI, and he doesn't get selected for the all star game, and isn't even mentioned in MVP voting. Sabercats finish 80-82 and miss the playoffs.

Season 6 - 59 HR, 162 RBI, and an all star appearance. Loses MVP by two votes to slap hitter Alan Peterson of the Anaheim Sharks. Sabercats finish 73-89 and miss the playoffs.

Season 7 - 58 HR, 146 RBI, an all star appearance. Begins media boycott after accusing the Times Herald of yellow journalism for investigation into rumors about his UFC betting habits and fancy cars. Loses home run derby to Sioux Falls Corn Cleat Vernon Jones in an epic swing off . Sabercats finish 87-75 and miss the playoffs.

Season 10 - 63 HR, 156 RBI, 1.060 OPS, and an all star appearance. Loses MVP voting yet again, this time resulting in a green rampage that destroys much of the area surrounding the press conference. Sabercats finish 81-81 and miss the playoffs.

As can be seen, Zeile has a long history in the league of not only being a great player on an unlucky franchise, but also of being one of the leagues great personalities, albeit an unpersonable one. After all of his years of suffering, the Times Herald would like to salute Kip Zeile on his moment of glory.

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